Simon Cowell gets his first whiff of Fish

The murky origins of The Fish Brothers can be traced back to a talent competition held at Brighton's Zap Club in the 1980s, where Martin and Tim Fish revealed the effects of vodka on Madonna songs and invented a dance craze that never caught on. In this episode of Fish At The Wheel, Martin recalls the star searches and talent shows the band has graced, mostly along the coast in Worthing. Join him as he spares a thought for the fate of Cliff Wisdom and shakes a fist at The Findon Village People, while McGhee fixes the clapometer to guarantee victory and Tim O'Tay eats sandwiches live on stage. Then the big break seems to finally arrive when the band are invited to perform on Britain's Got Talent and Martin manages not to flash his nob at the judges for a change.

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Simon Cowell gets his first whiff of Fish

Where the streets smell of spunk

As Sylvie continues to battle the longest winter in living memory, up and down past Handcross laden with Martin Fish and the producer, we return once more to the band's adventures in the Fatherland. There's inevitably more fun with bodily fluids, as well as a stoned Fish Bros transformation into Nutella Kiss, with full-on jazz beards and marker-pen tattoos. What became of Captain Sensible's guitar at Berlin airport? Did Martin win a post-festival vodka-drinking competition with a Russian band? And what sort of song would The Fish Brothers write about the streets of Hamburg? All is revealed…

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Where the streets smell of spunk

The Kaptain Kunt Klub

After slogging up and down the M23 throughout the longest winter in living memory, we release this barrel of filth as the first of two new podcasts recorded on wet winter drives. Martin recollects the origins of the Fish Brothers, from vodka-fuelled performers at the Zap Club's Tuesday night talent show to a Sunday night institution at The Eagle. Moving further downstream we visit the BBC and ITV, where Martin and his bachelor boys form the Kaptain Kunt Klub to compete for the inaugural Kunt of the Year awards. The Kaptain leads his crew to Stonehenge and Bonfire Night at Lewes, where the locals hurl rockets as well as insults. For this episode's musical finale, Martin delves into the archives to present the early psychedelic classic from Salad From Atlantis, Something in my Cyder.

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The Kaptain Kunt Klub

Some cunt has got in the way

As the wind whistles through the broken window of Sylvie the Honda Civic, and shameless bastards interrupt the latest episode of Fish At The Wheel by texting, Martin Fish tells the tale of Joan the Legless Dancer, the Fish Brothers mascot he first met in a skip. Becoming a beloved member of the Fish Brothers stage show, Joan is immortalised in song, getting the band into some 'armless trouble on the East Slope after they drink the bar dry. Martin rambles on to the band’s cake-caked comedy club audition before he remembers another thing he found in a skip: The Wanking Tapes...

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Some cunt has got in the way

Van Der Valk

It is not only Germany where The Fish Brothers have wreaked havoc. Here Martin Fish remembers what he can of expeditions into Holland and Belgium, his memory of events clouded by strange accents and large quantities of weed. As the band struggles to consume giant bags of grass, even Attila the Stockbroker falls under the influence when The Fish get totally smoked. A disappointing visit to the Manneken Pis in Brussels is vastly improved by a tour of the Stella factory, but the band get lost on their return to Holland. They are saved by the heroism of Van Der Valk, a passing local, who guides them through the “shitty ring” -- and so, in a Fish At The Wheel first, Martin performs a live tribute to the band’s Patron Saint of Clogland.

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Van Der Valk

Attila and the three Tims

After encountering punk poet Attila The Stockbroker (aka Throbbin of Southwick), The Fish Brothers reshuffle themselves into his backing band, Barnstormer, and embark on a series of drunken raids into Germany in Elliot's mobile zoo (portalav but please don't poo). On their adventures they encounter a set of unrelated Tims: Tim O'Tay the nobfluter, Tim Hero the provider, and Tim Hero-God the producer. They then find themselves starring in a German feature film during a total eclipse, which grants them access to the Das Boot submarine and the set of Neverending Story.

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Attila and the three Tims

Who's been wanking in my porridge?

As The Fish Brothers awake, ready for their tour of the Channel Islands, the shocking news comes through that Diana, Princess of Wales, has been killed in a car crash. Arriving on an island in mourning, the band find the audiences oddly unreceptive: "Everything we play is 'sad'." In an effort to cheer themselves up, the blundering fools take a trip to Jersey Zoo, only to discover Gerald the wanking bear, who reveals his talents before a crowd of onlooking schoolchildren and a Hobbit park ranger. Gerald becomes the inspiration for the band's take on one of the most famous songs of all time. Here, for the first time, is the full story behind the inspirational tune "Gerald Durrell's Spectacled Wanking Bear".

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Who's been wanking in my porridge?

Easily Better Than You

While The Fish Brothers have always been (and are destined to remain) bottom feeders, they've occasionally rubbed fins with the rich and famous. As Sylvie the silver Civic rumbles southwards with Martin Fish at the wheel and the Producer as co-pilot, gasp at tales of Audioweb's smelly mics, get totally smoked with Alabama 3, and learn the colour of Howard Marx's face. This podcast also features further lurid tales including Fatty being assaulted by Eddi Reader, band regrets over not buying Snow Patrol's gorilla outfit, and what makes Jo Brand ungrateful.

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Easily Better Than You

Sensible's shoes

It's raining again as Mr. Fish drives back towards Warninglid and recalls the many fine individuals who have played bass for the Fish Brothers over the years. Beginning with the legendary bass player for The Damned, Captain Sensible, Martin moves on to how Les came to be known as Pubshitter, what put the wind up Ste's kilt, the future of Blonde Wanton and how Baby David was obliged to defend his honour from the advances of Tommy Twinkle. After a digression on the initiation ritual that all Fish Brothers bass players have had to endure, the podcast ends with Didacoi Downs, Martin's musical tribute to another long-serving bass Fish, Chuffa Charnsworth.

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Sensible's shoes

Vanarchy in the UK

In this episode, Martin talks about every band's essential mode of transport and occasional accommodation -- the van -- and pays tribute to The Duke, owner/driver of The Fishtank and later The Aquarium. The Fish Brothers' uncomfortable sleeping conditions while on tour with The Levellers lead to a bet, won under unfortunate circumstances. The Duke arranges for a large cannon to be discharged at The Brighton Centre and the fire alarm goes off in Brixton Academy. Martin loses his glasses in a van full of Stella and the podcast ends with the consequences of not paying attention at the petrol station.

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Vanarchy in the UK